Christmas, in my world, is a marathon.  Racing around from house to house, not getting time to enjoy any of it.

Today is Christmas, and I don't like it one bit.  I did 2 Christmases yesterday, then had to work at 11pm, get off at 8 am, and now Im getting ready to do 4 more Christmases today.  I passed out cold on the floor last night on my lunch break and slept for an hour. 

I can't do holidays like this anymore

My lucky number is 16 for the following reasons...

Sixteen was the most fun age of my life.

It's my husband's birthday

It was my cheerleading tryout number twice in high school.

It seems to be the amount of money I usually have in cash.

I like the movie Sixteen Candles with Molly Ringwald.

I get that number right most often in Keno.

It's funny how certain things signify important moments for us, such as numbers, colors, sounds and scents.  I think we hang on to these symbols because we want to find meaning in our lives.  I know I could use a little more meaning every now and then. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm exactly where I should be in life...other times I feel lost...and sometimes it's a mixture.

What makes someone important?  It's not the larger accomplishments that mean something.  It's actually the smaller moments that fulfill our purposes in life.

For me, I think my greatest purpose is humor.  I try to laugh about everything, even if it's something really bad.  If you step outside your life for just a moment when it gets rough, look at it like you're watching a movie of someone elses life, it can seem pretty funny.  Having an alcoholic raise me was tough, but when I look at it now I think of how ridiculously funny it was that I put up with her shit.  She turned over the kitchen table once before we could eat anything...and I stayed.  She locked me and my sister out of the house with no pants or shoes on in the middle of the night...I stayed.  She coaxed my dad into beating on her and then laid down on my bed and bled all over it....and I stayed.  She drove me drunk everywhere and dropped me off on a street corner to find my own way home...and I stayed.

To me, that's funny...because it was a bunch of ridiculous shit that really meant nothing on the larger scale of life, yet it seemed so big at the time.  In reality, I could have called childrens services in a heartbeat and been taken away to break free of it.

Life is just soooo boring sometimes and that's the hard part about it.  I've never been one to settle into routine or be satisfied with a "normal" lifestyle.  I want to have adventures and make meaning throughout my life, painting it like a colorful picture, a work of art. 

I opened a fortune cookie today that said "Writing is a craft...not an art."  I'm trying to figure that out. Is it saying that writing is not my art form, that it's actually something I've mastered over a long period of time and shouldn't waste my talent by not doing it?  Or is it saying that my writing really isn't as artistic as I think it is, that it's actually just a format I use to put useless meaning into my life?

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

For the past year, I've been quite rebellious.  I never hit a rebel stage while I was a teenager, or when I hit 18, or when I hit 21...no.  I was 23 when it hit me.  This year I have done the following rebellious acts....

Got a tattoo

Got my nose pierced

Changed my hair color several times

Started smoking

Tried a drug I won't mention

Explored Wiccan religion

partied all night

Spent absurd amounts of money on clothes

Stalked celebrities

Ate whatever I wanted to eat (and paid the price)

Got drunk in the mornings

Sought revenge on people when I know that's not my right

So what's the deal with me?  When is this rebellious stage going to end?  I'm married, for crying out loud.  My husband has been exceedingly patient and understanding about this "mid-twenties crisis" I'm going through.  But what if it lasts for several more months, or even several years?  If anyone is reading this who understands, give me some advice.  Don't get me wrong:  I've had fun walking on the wild side.  In fact, I think it suits me more than my old good-girl image.  The thing is, I'm already married...so I don't think it's wise to continue getting worse and worse like I have been.

On the up side, many great things have happened this year:

I got accepted to grad school.

I edited my aunt's book and got credit for it.

I started research on writing my own novel, which I'm almost ready to put on paper.

I went to fun events and partied!!!  Wooohooooo

I got closer to my family, and to myself.

My marriage improved because we started getting used to each other.

I made new friends and strengthened my old friendships.

I started a job I truly love and have been there almost a year now.

I realized my own strength and importance...I became fearless.

For 2009, I hope to materialize many of the goals I've been dreaming about.  I hope to have more fun...more laughs...more memories made.

The Lord is good...even to little rebel girls like me!