Friday, 12 December 2008

• What's your lucky number?

  My lucky number is 16 for the following reasons...

  Sixteen was the most fun age of my life.

  It's my husband's birthday

  It was my cheerleading tryout number twice in high school.

  It seems to be the amount of money I usually have in cash.

  I like the movie Sixteen Candles with Molly Ringwald.

  I get that number right most often in Keno.

  It's funny how certain things signify important moments for us, such as numbers, colors, sounds and scents.  I think we hang on to these symbols because we want to find meaning in our lives.  I know I could use a little more meaning every now and then. 

  Sometimes I feel like I'm exactly where I should be in life...other times I feel lost...and sometimes it's a mixture.

  What makes someone important?  It's not the larger accomplishments that mean something.  It's actually the smaller moments that fulfill our purposes in life.

  For me, I think my greatest purpose is humor.  I try to laugh about everything, even if it's something really bad.  If you step outside your life for just a moment when it gets rough, look at it like you're watching a movie of someone elses life, it can seem pretty funny.  Having an alcoholic raise me was tough, but when I look at it now I think of how ridiculously funny it was that I put up with her shit.  She turned over the kitchen table once before we could eat anything...and I stayed.  She locked me and my sister out of the house with no pants or shoes on in the middle of the night...I stayed.  She coaxed my dad into beating on her and then laid down on my bed and bled all over it....and I stayed.  She drove me drunk everywhere and dropped me off on a street corner to find my own way home...and I stayed.

  To me, that's funny...because it was a bunch of ridiculous shit that really meant nothing on the larger scale of life, yet it seemed so big at the time.  In reality, I could have called childrens services in a heartbeat and been taken away to break free of it.

  Life is just soooo boring sometimes and that's the hard part about it.  I've never been one to settle into routine or be satisfied with a "normal" lifestyle.  I want to have adventures and make meaning throughout my life, painting it like a colorful picture, a work of art. 

  I opened a fortune cookie today that said "Writing is a craft...not an art."  I'm trying to figure that out. Is it saying that writing is not my art form, that it's actually something I've mastered over a long period of time and shouldn't waste my talent by not doing it?  Or is it saying that my writing really isn't as artistic as I think it is, that it's actually just a format I use to put useless meaning into my life?

  
  
     

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